Hello Morbo, how’s the family?

Posted by on May 29, 2016 in Daily, Life | No Comments

I’ll tell them you went down prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. Well, thanks to the Internet. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence? Ah, the ‘Breakfast Club’ soundtrack! I can’t wait til I’m old enough to feel ways about stuff! But existing is basically all […]

No, I’m Santa Claus

Posted by on May 28, 2016 in Workout | No Comments
No, I’m Santa Claus

Nay, I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. Oh right. I forgot about the battle. I had more, but you go ahead. Tell her she looks thin. No! I want to live! There are still too many things I don’t own!

Cause explosive decompression

Posted by on May 28, 2016 in Boring | No Comments
Cause explosive decompression

Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye, cruel lamp, lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the cute little pom-pom curtain pull cords. Cruel though they may be… And I’d do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it. Okay, I like a challenge. Shut up and take my […]

You risked your life

Posted by on May 27, 2016 in Travel | No Comments
You risked your life

No, she’ll probably make me do it. You mean while I’m sleeping in it? No! I want to live! There are still too many things I don’t own! Would you censor the Venus de Venus just because you can see her spewers? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso?! ‘It is!’ My precious torso! […]

Breakfast Club

Posted by on May 26, 2016 in Daily, Life | No Comments
Breakfast Club

And then the battle’s not so bad? Yeah, lots of people did. Oh, I don’t have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. I had more, but you go ahead. Tell her she […]

Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick

Posted by on May 25, 2016 in Life, Official | No Comments
Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick

It must be wonderful. Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you are pretending to be. Now Fry, it’s been a few years since medical school, so remind me. Disemboweling in your species: fatal or non-fatal? Just once I’d like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn’t bound and gagged. […]

Oh right. I forgot

Posted by on May 24, 2016 in Boring, Life | No Comments

All right. Well, take care of yourself, Han. I guess that’s what you’re best at, ain’t it? She must have hidden the plans in the escape pod. Send a detachment down to retrieve them, and see to it personally, Commander. There’ll be no one to stop us this time! I don’t know what you’re talking about. […]

No! I want to live

Posted by on May 23, 2016 in Daily, Workout | No Comments
No! I want to live

For one beautiful night I knew what it was like to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. We’re rescuing ya. You’re going to do his laundry? I had more, but you go ahead. I’m just glad my fat, ugly mama isn’t alive to see this day. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to […]

Does anybody else feel jealous?

Posted by on May 22, 2016 in Workout | No Comments
Does anybody else feel jealous?

You can crush me but you can’t crush my spirit! Oh Leela! You’re the only person I could turn to; you’re the only person who ever loved me. Fatal. Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. Good news, everyone! I’ve taught the […]

Tell her she looks thin

Posted by on May 21, 2016 in Life, Travel | No Comments
Tell her she looks thin

Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems. Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! File not found. Please, Don-Bot… look into your hard drive, and open your mercy file! I suppose I could part with ‘one’ and still be feared… Dear God, they’ll be killed on our doorstep! […]